Who Am I
by Lysiaamazon
Summary: Sephiroth was born and bred for speed, strength, skill, and power. But what was his life really like before everyone in the world knew his name? What made him the cold hearted SOLDIER? Torture, Pain, Abuse. Rated M. Possible Yaoi pairings-- SxZ, SxR, SxC.
1. The Beginning

Okay this is a trial…thing…I might need suggestions of I get some of it wrong

These Characters are not mine but I am temporarily borrowing them.

Okay this is a trial…thing…I might need suggestions of I get some of it wrong. This could be a quick fic or a long one…it depends on you comments and helpful ideas. Now I might take some liberties with stuff but please feel free to suggest the correct idea rather then flame me, kk! This is based on my ideas of what it would be like as a child for him…and yes there could be abuse and stuff…mostly mental and it may not be something that is of any interest to anyone other them me…but we shall see. I intend to make Hojo very dark and cruel as expected with the possibility of Sephiroth being bred for more SOLDIERS with his bloodline…

Possible Yaoi SxZ or SxR most likely…then maybe SxC…but that won't be until he gets older. This story focuses on Sephiroth as a child first off but then an adult later on.

Sum—Sephiroth was born and bred for speed, strength, skill and power. But what was his life really like before everyone in the world knew his name?

Mature rating for later…most def!!

"Who Am I"

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-- "My Eyes Have Seen Tomorrow's Glory" --

-- "My Soul Bears Witness to Evil Under Mother's Watchful Retribution" --

-- "All Will Die At My Feet...For It Is The Will of Mother" --

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Blackness….

A soundless echo…

Muted words that began as a feeling of love and trust, but then quickly faded into unease and sadness…

Warmth surrounding…comforting me…the coldness is unwelcome…

Leaving wasn't an option…it was forced…

It was cold and unforgiving, as loud cried sounded in alarm, filled the room with utter defiance…

A birth unknown to the world…

A secret kept for 9 months…

Who am I?

Why am I here?

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"Now here are you papers and pens. You have an hour to finish and I expect you to perform well…this is what you were bred for…do not fail me." Said a harsh voice as he placed the items on the table before a boy, just barely 10, with shoulder length silver hair.

Hesitant green eyes looked between the man before him and the paper below him and nodded. He was nervous. He could not help it. He had been told many times that he shouldn't be. That he shouldn't have those feelings of fear or worry. That he was supposed to be perfect in every aspect of his very being. Work was his play and play was his work, and nothing else was supposed to matter.

He looked down at the test before him and let out a small breath. This test was the same one he had taken 3 weeks ago. It was suppose to test his ability to think quick and to see how advanced his mind was.

Looking down at it he wondered why it was the same. No one had told him that he had performed poorly on the first one. Was there something a second was supposed to prove? He didn't understand it. Pausing for a moment he turned his eyes back up to look at the figure whose back was turned as he exited the room.

It was too late for questions.

Turning back to the task at hand. He picked up a pen and started the test. He knew it would be hours before he would see anyone or be allow to leave the room, even if he finished early. He would remain there alone until someone saw fit to come and get him.

Some time later…

He had finished the test within in 22 minutes but had by now been alone in the room for well over 2 hours. The papers were stacked neatly upon the table along side the pens, but the boy was not there. Three feet away and gazing outside a small-bared window, two large green eyes stared outward. He watched as several lines of SOLDIER passed by. Small hands pressed onto the frame of the window in an effort to pull his small body higher up and closer for a better look. All the SOLDIER's were extremely stiff, dressed to perfection, and all wore masks, maybe smoke masks…but he wasn't completely sure.

He was amazed at such perfection and desired to be out there with them…to be them. His breath was quick as he watched them march in extremely straight and very perfect lines. Not a one was out of step or out of breath…it was… simply an overwhelmingly impressive sight. He was so taken by the images before him that he did not hear the door open behind him. Two men stepped inside.

"Sephiroth?" Said a stern cold voice.

The boy jumped and quickly turned around. There before him stood his caretaker, Professor Hojo, and someone else he did not know. He stepped forward and gave a curt bow, then met Hojo's eyes with a curious questioning look.

"Yes Sir." Sephiroth said in a flat emotionless tone.

Hojo grinned at the boy and then turned to address the man next to him. "President Shinra…this is Sephiroth." He said extending his hand out towards the boy, sounding cocky and proud all at the same time. " He is the first successful trial as a human test subject to be born from PROJECT." He stated, but what PROJECT really was, and it was said in that manner to hide it's true meaning, was in fact plain and simply, the Jenova project.

President Shinra bowed to the young boy and smiled.

"Well then my boy, it is good to met you young Sephiroth. I know you will do quite well." He said calmly, but his tone held an air of coldness and darkness that was very unnerving. It was a feeling that Sephiroth didn't like and would continue to have even as he got older.

Hearing the actual President of Shinra address him in such a manner caused Sephiroth to freeze but he did not show it outwardly, though even still, his insides were spinning with tension. He bowed again meeting the gaze of the President briefly before he stared down at the floor, waiting whatever was to come next.

"Thank you Sir…it is my honor." Sephiroth said back, remaining still, his head bowed in utter respect.

The President took a deep breath and nodded in approval. Then he turned towards the man next to him. "Hojo my answer is yes…you may have my permission to further your experiment." He said before he gave a quick nod to the boy and the both of them left, Hojo grinning from ear to ear. As they left Sephiroth heard the excited muffled words of his caretaker as the door shut, but there he remained…again left alone in the room.

Sephiroth let out a soft low breath. Then giving into the tiredness of his legs he slowly sat down and pulled his knees to his chest. It hadn't been this bad before, but in the past several month he had started to have the sickening feeling…the feeling that the loss of his own humanity was slowly slipping away from him. He was starting to feel more like a project then a human boy.

Sephiroth rested his chin upon his knees and stared straight ahead of him. Patiently he waited, knowing he had been forgotten again. Something that also was starting to happen more and more, and this not only secured in his mind that he was being seen as something other then human but it proved it.

Sephiroth shook his head. 'No I am human…I am a boy…I am real…I am not just a test subject….I…' he thought fighting a tear in the corners of his eyes. He simply did not want to settle for what he was feeling and his treatment, but every time it happened, every time he was ignore…left alone…his feelings of his own humanity were slipping. He was being broken down by it…and unknown to him…this was exactly what Hojo wanted.

In order to breed the worlds greatest SOLDIER one had to be centered…his mind only knowing power, strength and loyalty…to only know the job and to be the job…to be the ultimate SOLDIER.

This is what he wanted for Sephiroth…and that was exactly what he intended to do…at any cost…even at the cost of one's very soul.

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((Oh this is short I know…but I am testing the waters…the next chapter will be much longer. Please Review suggestions; I am always open to them.))


	2. Pain

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Hmm well here is chapter two. Suggestions and reviews are welcome, of course.

Now I am not sure how bad Mako injections affect someone. So this is all coming from my own interpretation, feel free to suggest or make comments, but please do it in a nice way. Thanks!! :D

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**Chapter 2 -- Pain**

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The room was dark and it wasn't as it should be. This wasn't like before. He didn't understand it. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Had he done something wrong to upset the scientist? No, not that he could remember.

Sephiroth, not a day past 10 years old, shifted in the large metal chair. He was wearing only a pair of navy boxers, Shinra issued, and a pair of navy socks to keep his feet warm. His long sliver white hair swept over his shoulders and down his back. The chair, he had been told a thousand times, that he would grow into, whatever that meant. This leaving him to wonder just how long he would be under the man's, the crazy man's watch. Even so, the chair was still rather large and far too cold to be comfortable. Though he didn't see any chances of him leaving Hojo anytime soon, this being alone thing all the time, was truly starting to get to him. If he got away where would he go anyways, he didn't have any parents...as he had been told more times then he liked to remember. The words, always the same and bitterly cold, were always spiteful and cruel...

**...**

_"Hojo...where is my Father?" Said a small nearly quiet voice. _

_The boy shifted in the chair uncomfortably. The binds pulling terribly tight on his small arms and legs, stretching them so far to the point where he was straining his muscles just to get comfortable. He couldn't move at all and all four limbs were growing more and more painfully sore._

_A slight unsettling creepy laugh filled the room, a laugh the boy hated so deeply that it made him shudder. _

_"You don't have one." A lie._

_"Where is my Mother?"_

_"Dead!"_

_"D-dead?" The boy's eyes widened with such realization that it sickened his heart._

_"Yes..." _

_"Do I have any family?"_

_"No, you have no one...now are you ready?" The man said quickly cutting of his subject. He didn't have time for such useless conversations. _

_Silence..._

_The boy knew what was coming and even if he had shook his head to say no, it wouldn't have done him any good. He closed his eyes tightly and waited for the burning pain to begin...waited for his whole body to be racked with it. _

_"I am alone?" He said his small voice hitching in pain and barely audible. It had been more of a statement then a question, regardless if it mattered at all. _

_Another soft frightening laugh filled the room. "Yes...now, what do you feel? Tell me everything." The scientist asked. There was no hint of compassion or concern in the man's voice what so ever. It remained ever so much more cold and chilling, unchanging and utterly dry._

_The boy shook in the chair quite violently; his arms and legs straining to the point of him possibly disjointed each of them as the pain seized his small body. He said nothing back and tried to fill his lungs with much needed air._

_The laugh filled his ears again then a soft silent sob came from the small boy._

_"It burns...I don't like it."_

_"Good...now then, shall we continue?" _

_Faintly the sound of a pen scribbling feverishly over a paper tablet filled the room. Hojo smiled, he didn't leave out a thing. It was all so fascinating, so interesting. This would be a good study today._

**...**

Sephiroth struggled again alone in the darkness. The chair was cold and it kept sticking to the bottom of his legs as his boxers balled and knotted up by his movements. It was bothersome sometimes and he didn't like it. He wouldn't voice his discomfort though, but he did think about it a lot.

The boy shifted again, but being that his arms and legs were bound, he couldn't get very far. He had grown quite a bit so although there was less strain with the binds, it was still somewhat snug and still too taut for any really comfort to be had. He wondered again why he had been placed here. He had been woken up very early, guided into this room, sat and bound, and then left, the lights being turned out on him. It was all very odd and it was something that had never happened to him before, well the part with the lights that is. He had been in this room way to many times and none of them were pleasant.

Again Sephiroth made a face...he was very uncomfortable. Being left here like this, like he didn't matter was also starting to get to him. The quietness, the coldness, the darkness, it all made him feel less like a person but more like an object, to be used, to be left, or poked, at ones most convenient time, Hojo's of course. The silence was starting affect him as his every breath sounded loud in his mind with unsettled haunting deepness. He shifted again, as it seemed he had been waiting forever now, he couldn't stay still.

This was familiar...he knew what was coming...panic swept it's way up his spine. Still the silence was consuming, deafening. His mind pleaded for someone, anyone...just to have a presence here.

He would wait another full hour, though the length of time would seem endless to him, before someone came to him. He felt his humanity slipping, his feelings leaving his body as if someone had simply brushed them off. His emotions were bordering on nonexistent...his heart and his soul, that would be the last thing to go.

He didn't know when he had fallen asleep but he had. His body became still and quiet.

Sometime later…

Sephiroth jumped as something cold brushed along his arm. He opened his eyes and instantly flinched at the bright light that wasn't on before. It took several minutes for his eyes to adjust. When they did he opened them fully and turned his head to the left to stare at a man he already knew was there.

The boy gasped softly, pale green eyes looking expectedly up at the man before him. He tried to move. Everything was stiff and his joints ached painfully for having been in the same position for far to long then he or anyone normally should have been.

"Hojo?" Sephiroth asked softly.

The man grinned but didn't look at Sephiroth. He gave him no signs of compassion or human contact in any way other then what he was doing. Hojo brushed the cotton swab over the skin of the boy's shoulder and then turned from him.

Sephiroth watched with worried eyes as he heard something metal move across the tray, which was out of his line of sight, before Hojo. Then something was lifted off scrapping again along the edge of the tray.

"Now then, this should be an interesting session..." Hojo said with a dark grin. He whirled around in his chair and scooted closer again to Sephiroth.

The boy jumped at the sight of the large needled filled with the brightly glowing green liquid as the man faced him. His small eyes widened and he swallowed a breath, his frantic movements were useless against his tight binds.

Sephiroth tensed knowing that by doing so, it would only make things worse, but he couldn't help it, he knew what was coming and deep down he couldn't do anything about it and it frightened him.

"That stuff hurts...I don't want it." The boy pleaded.

Hojo sighed, still not making eye contact with the boy, as he continued on speaking as if nothing had been said to him at all.

"Four times the normal amount...indeed this should be very interesting." He hissed with a soft manic laugh.

Sephiroth jerked against the chair. The man was ignoring him, simply as if he hadn't spoke at all. It was a dreading feeling, a sickening one. It again pulled away a piece of his self worth and his humanity. His eyes followed the needle as the man next to him brought it close to his arm and stuck it in. It wasn't a very gentle movement, but harsh, cold and very uncaring. He jumped and immediately shut his eyes tightly as he felt the needle shove even deeper into his skin then normal. It was bigger and it hurt more. Sephiroth let out a shallow painful gasp and tensed even more.

In a matter of seconds, he knew, he knew what was coming. Then it hit him with a much stronger force then he had expected or thought it would. He immediately let out a loud cry of shock. The sensation he felt started from the entry point and filtering out through his blood stream. Like a deadly path the fire burned through his veins and his lungs tightened making it hard for him to breath. Half lidded eyes turned towards the man next to him, filling with tears.

Hojo's grinned deepened and he let out a shallow soft laugh. The needle was still only half empty. He continued to push the liquid into his subject with unrelenting force.

Sephiroth was shaking uncontrollably now, his body jerked in the chair so hard that it moved slightly. His eyes started to glow even as he glared with a pained expression at the man who still had yet to look at him. He wanted to scream, wanted to yell, wanted to bite, to fight, anything that would get Hojo to stop. He felt like a trapped rat with nowhere to run or no one to turn to and it hurt...oh, it hurt terribly. This was much worse then he had remembered. It was torturous and frightening and he was so alone. Sephiroth never wanted a parent more so then he did now. Little did he know that within a year's time he would be vastly different then what he was now.

Not wanting to wait or having the patience to, Hojo forced the end of the needle in, pushing the rest of the green liquid into the boy.

Sephiroth froze in mid-cry; His body arched high off the chair quickly, pulling his right arm out of socket in doing so. He fell back down with such force that the bone of his shoulder broke through the skin painfully when his arm hit the chair beneath him. A thin trail of blood pooled at the open wound and started to trail its way down his bare chest.

Tears unavoidably rolled down his red cheeks and he was panting for air. Oddly enough he was silent for the moment, only making vaguely soft groans from his closed mouth. Why he didn't cry out more now, he didn't know, but something in him didn't want to give Hojo the pleasure of a painful outcry just then...he wouldn't. His body still felt like everything was on fire and he could not keep himself still. The more he moved the more painful his shoulder became and the more blood that started to trickle down.

Hojo raised and eyebrow and pulled the needle out. Turning he placed it back up on tray behind him and faced the boy again.

"Interesting...what do you feel?" He asked, still not looking at the boy. He had his note pad out and a pen. Already he was writing something down, for the passionate movements of the pen were quick moving along the paper.

There was no answer.

Finally Hojo paused and glanced up at the boy. He laughed lightly when he saw Sephiroth. The small boy was staring straight ahead, shaking, but putting forth an extreme amount of concentration to not react to what he was feeling, though his body failed to do so.

"It hurts doesn't it, and look here, what have you done to your shoulder my dear boy. " He said in a wickedly calm voice as he leaned forward to examine the wound. "Guess we will have to take care of that...you are so careless." He said in a mean condescending tone. He then laughed again which sent a shudder though the boy.

Sephiroth didn't say a thing.

Hojo raised both eyebrows now and couldn't wipe the grin from his lips.

"Oh the brave one hmm, well you know this test would calculate better if you gave me some kind of response. I want to hear what your thoughts are. What does it feel like?" He asked calmly again tilting his head down a little and watching the boy carefully over the edge of his glasses.

Sephiroth couldn't hold it back any longer; it hurt…it hurt so bad. Not saying anything back…he just opened his mouth and screamed.

Hojo quirked a brow and looked down at his pad. He wrote even faster. "Interesting…very interesting."

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((Well what do you think? Make sense. Let me know! And remember this is post stone cold Sephiroth, I'm leading up to it.))


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